Weekend Writing Warriors – 5/24/14

wewriwa_square_2Welcome to Snippet Sunday and Weekend Writing Warriors! Happy Memorial Day! For those new to this, fellow writers post eight sentences from one of our works. I’ve been revising my New Adult steampunk romance, STEAM ME UP RAWLEY, so I thought I’d share. This is the first scene in the hero’s POV and he’s just landed in the backyard of the heroine’s home in a hot air balloon. She’s standing in front of him and it picks up a little after where I left off last time:

With the tropical sun bearing down and over-saturating all the colors, everything was utterly alien. Like the landscape was rubbed raw, exposed, and he stood there, exposed with it, almost embarrassed on its behalf. He couldn’t help but contrast it to the comforting textures, colors and smells of the stone-bordered fields of his home in Devonshire. The air here was so thick with humidity, he could taste the green of the leaves, the reds of the blooms. And most of all, his gaze returning to the lady before him, he could taste the brightness, the energy, of her, like all her curves and the froths and swoops of her pale green dress were a confection.

Egad, the heat must be getting to him. He was positively gushing poetic folderol. This wasn’t him. Not him at all.

I welcome all comments, even constructive crits. To join in the fun and see the other wonderful writers, go to Weekend Writing Warriors! Thanks for stopping by!

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22 Comments

  1. Love it! Is the monkey still around?

    Reply
  2. Gem

     /  May 24, 2014

    Really like this character and the way he sees the landscape around him. Very nice.

    Reply
  3. Awesome description! (And he can always blame it on the humidity…)

    Reply
  4. Fantastic description both of the landscape and the way it affects him. Great snippet!

    Reply
  5. Picturesque details and thought provoking analogies. Kudos.

    Look at this sentence, “Like the landscape was rubbed raw, exposed, and he stood there, exposed with it, almost embarrassed on its behalf.”
    For me, it would sound better without the “and” before “he stood there.”

    Reply
  6. great details for the senses, I do remember places so humid I’ve tasted the leaves! 🙂

    Reply
  7. You’ve done a great job filling this snippet with description. I hope you find a home for this book so I can read it all the way through.

    Reply
  8. Nothing more endearing than a guy stumbling all over himself over a girl. Love the “poetic folderol” line. Totally made me giggle! Great, vivid descriptions as well!

    Reply
  9. Karen Michelle Nutt

     /  May 25, 2014

    I loved this snippet. You painted the scene with your poetic words! I love this guy already and want to know more.

    Reply
  10. burnsmillie

     /  May 25, 2014

    Great job. Not him, not him at all : ) Loved it!

    Reply
  11. Wow, do I love the description! I felt like I was right there, standing next to him. Excellent excerpt, glad you’re sharing more from this story with us.

    Reply
  12. elainecsc2013

     /  May 25, 2014

    This is fabulous. i like the poetic folderol, and your description is really good. I live in the South, and you’ve described it well.

    Reply
  13. siobhanmuir

     /  May 25, 2014

    Hahaha, something has definitely gotten to him. Great snippet, Angela. 🙂

    Reply
  14. Poor man is a goner and doesn’t even know it. 😀

    Reply
  15. Lovely descriptions! I’m off to get all caught up on the ones I missed. 🙂

    Reply
  16. Interesting. Seems your writing style has changed. You discuss taste in two consecutive sentences. And I’m pretty sure that’s a no-no on the lists I’ve kept of your writing tips…

    Reply
    • Hmm, if it’s an echo, yes, but here I was trying to emphasize it and so repeated it on purpose. But yeah, my style has probably changed 😉

      Reply
  17. Wow…just wow. Your description is amazing. The details you work in are so seamless, I’m aware of what they tell me, but not even conscious enough of them to know that my mind is processing them. How do you do it? Really good excerpt, Angela.

    Reply
  18. I love your use of color. It strengthens the tone and makes your imagery that much more powerful.

    Reply
  19. I love that last line. It obviously is him in the right circumstances, or in the presence of the right woman.

    Reply
  20. He does seem poetic, I’m wondering what can have this effect on him.

    Reply

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