Weekend Writing Warriors – 5/31/14

wewriwa_square_2Welcome to Snippet Sunday and Weekend Writing Warriors! For those new to this, fellow writers post eight sentences from one of our works. I’ve been revising my New Adult steampunk romance, STEAM ME UP RAWLEY, so I thought I’d share. Someone last week asked if the monkey (Loki) was still in the story, and indeed he is, so I thought I’d share some trouble he got up to at the end of the first scene (he normally sits on her shoulder):

“The punch,” someone cried nearby.
Adele spun around, the lack of weight on her shoulder filling her with unease.
Loki sat in the crystal punchbowl, splashing the too-pink liquid in his face and scattering large dollops on the starched white linen tablecloth. From across the expansive lawn, Claire screeched.
That screech punched through Adele’s belly, hollowing it out. Criminy. The party seemed populated now with just eyes, judging, condescending, see-what-a-joke-you-are eyes, all pointed at her.
And that screech felt as if it arrowed straight to her boss across town.

I welcome all comments, even constructive crits. I also found out this past week that this story was a finalist in the paranormal category in Virginia’s Fool For Love contest.

This week my aunt and cousin, who form the writing duo Ursula LeCoeur, are participating in WeWriWa! Please stop by to give them a newcomers’ welcome!

To join in the fun and see the other wonderful writers, go to Weekend Writing Warriors! Thanks for stopping by!

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18 Comments

  1. Congratulations on being a finalist, and I’m glad to see Loki again.

    Reply
  2. chellecordero

     /  May 31, 2014

    Oh boy, that monkey is a handful. I like the way you conveyed her embarrassment.

    Reply
  3. Gem

     /  June 1, 2014

    Big congrats on being a finalist. Loki is as entertaining as ever. 🙂

    Reply
  4. cograts on being a finalist. I think it is funny that the monkey found the punch bowl. It gave me a good chuckle.

    Reply
  5. That snippet is so visual, Angela. The “too pink liquid” on the “starched white linen tablecloth” just pops! Loki is such a devilish little fellow. 🙂 Congrats on being a finalist! I didn’t write a wewriwa post this week. Just out visiting. 🙂

    Reply
  6. I liked the personification of the screech hitting her stomach.
    Congrats and good luck on the competition.

    Reply
  7. Congratulations on being shortlisted! Happy belated birthday! Perfect Loki scene! 😀

    Reply
  8. Congratulations on being a Finalist! and loved the excerpt, very amusing indeed…

    Reply
  9. burnsmillie

     /  June 1, 2014

    Loki is too cute. Thanks for bringing him out to play : )

    Reply
  10. I hope they have more punch in the back! Great snippet.

    Reply
  11. siobhanmuir

     /  June 1, 2014

    I can hear Aladdin’s voice from the Disney film saying “I’m in trouble!” Great snippet, Angela. I can feel her dismay and chagrin.

    Reply
  12. And of course he’s sitting in the punch bowl! What a bundle of mischief! 🙂

    Reply
  13. Very fun snippet. Love the image of the monkey in the punchbowl.

    Reply
  14. What fun! I’m glad you kept him in for shenanigans such as this 😛

    Reply
  15. I’m with Taryn on this. Shenanigans is the perfect word for it. Good stuff.

    Reply
  16. Up to mischief rascal. She asked for it with Loki. Let’s see what happens next in this merry mix. Delightful.

    Reply
  17. Karen Michelle Nutt

     /  June 1, 2014

    What a scene! I believe the monkey is living up to his namesake. (hee hee)

    Reply
  18. Great description! I love the monkey in the punch bowl — sounds like at least HE is having fun at this shindig!

    Reply

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